Breath As Life

I pay attention now to these little breaths -  my breath, your breath. All breaths, one by one,  mark the moments of time. Rather than monuments made of stone and steel and sun and moon,  it is these little things that continue to construct the moment to moment phenomena known as life. Without these seemingly invisible matrices there is no form, no manifestation of being, no intake and output of individual and collective expression. Without this formless presence there can be nothing, is nothing, or ever was anything here. But is the being that is air not unlike the ubiquitous yet incomprehensible entity that eludes our superior intelligence?

How long did it take us to know air (Oxygen et al) by name? Long after mankind instinctively knew  that air, as a transparent self, was the quintessential moniker of life- breath. And yet is air possibly the closest image we will ever conjure up or understand of "spirit" in the world of matter? Could air be the magic carpet for a divine presence to permeate our very microscopic atomic pulse? 

Whether or not I can see it, I can at least comprehend that breath effectively is the life force for this earthly universe. The cognition that this "unseen" elemental force has the profound power to start and stop life, to construct and deconstruct, create a rhythm or a seeming chaos, and yet remain unquestionably available to all living things without prejudice is a profound concept. And as I breath in and out I know I am a continuum of all the breaths before mine and after mine. I begin to feel the vastness of time and space, of essence and eternity, all in one breath. 

My smile

My smile.

How do you know me? It's by my smile. I wear it like a marquee inviting those who see it to come closer. Like a soft petaling invitation to kiss, it gently encourages the safety and enjoyment of the encounter.  My smile can also bite through the clouds with the whitened army of heroes that decimate moments of gloom and bar any harsh or demanding words of destruction.  

My smile can suggest the possibility of a pleasant and joyful moment in time - even an invitation to come closer to the source of the smile- the fueled furnace of a gentle kind heart or the roaring fire for a chosen few.     From a distance my smile recognizes and beckons the viewer and like a thread and needle tightens the distance between and secures the seam that binds with its power emanating  from joy or love or kindness.  

My smile is like a powerful mantra. It can successfully repeat itself anywhere and at anytime and provoke the most profound response, encounter and reward. My smile has always paved the way for me by removing obstacles and allowing me to experience many moments of freedom from fear. My smile has become my weapon of choice; it is disarming and subtle, but conquering and lethal to the boundaries and barriers of separation and prejudice.   It is also been a key to open the door to hearts and minds. Somehow, it gives others a sense of peace and allows me to move closer into their inner circle.   I have not always appreciated or understood it's great and wonderful power, but as I grow older, I realize that it has allowed me to be welcomed, endeared and cheerfully remembered. I am ever so grateful for that gift; it has been my passport on life's journey and It hasn't expired yet!! 

From Now Until the End of Then

From Now Until the End of Then

I have struggled throughout my life with the fear of impending death.  I can remember those feelings - the imagined terror of suffocation as I gasp for my last breath and the unavoidable loss of control, like falling off the cliff with no return possible. It's a shared anxiety as I know every person alive (and dead) has faced this demon of dying and it has appeared as different horrifying masks of fate for each of us. I believe, from my own experiences, that the intensity and frequency of these panic attacks are directly proportional to our spiritual health, practice, and faith.  

Growing older doesn't necessarily guarantee wisdom and peace but it would seem that remaining open to experience the bridge between our human and spiritual life has changed the death march into a slower and more beautiful procession for me. Joining both sides of life as one elevates my experience and frees my mind from the anticipated pang of death.  When my soul felt lost, unidentifiable and disconnected, it was a type of death. I guess in some ways I've already died and come back to life. I've chosen to abide in the embrace of my Source of Life.   By bridging those two worlds of spirit and matter, the path between has become less scary and more comfortingly familiar. Though anticipating my last breath is still a challenging conundrum, the surrender to the depth and expansion of my awareness eases and soothes any worries or pain. So living today the best I can gives me comfort from now until the end of then, whenever that is. 

Identity Vs Ego

Identity vs Ego

In my attempt to discover practical spiritually, I've run up against the conundrum of distinguishing what is identity and what is ego.  In the realm of spiritual pursuit,  knowing the difference is imperative if I am to grow and develop in my awareness and chosen behavior. 

As far I can see, ego seems to be the mutable persona, the personal representation that needs to be recognized, nurtured and sustained by and in the world.  It seems to reshape itself according to its effectiveness through successes or failures, and the responses, rewards, or devastation that is experienced after revealing itself through thought, action, or words. It adapts and changes according to needs or desires. I don't believe it can exist or thrive without the fuel from encounters with others. Any stimulus, positive or negative, fuels its adaptation in order to preserve the balance of the continuous challenge of ego preservation and control. But its primary usefulness seems to be more directed at either isolating and protecting a weaker side or dominating and controlling from a more desirous and insensitive position.  Either way, it takes on the shape of a "costume" or "weapon of choice" necessary for survival and safety.  Ego is the primary separator, the singular survivor, and the ultimate sponsor of actions, thoughts and feelings.   It is developed to seemingly protect the individual human singularity and is not willing to give up its stature or power to a higher unknown Source that might diminish its control. 

Identity, however, appears to be quite a different approach to finding self. It would seem that identity is defined by real and recognizable attributes or flaws that remain and exist, with or without recognition, motivation or even an attempt at creating an image in the mirrored eyes of others. Identity would seem to be the very part of us that remains true and unchangeable yet evolving, in response to the world. Our "face" or identity  is who we are and the ego is the makeup we wear to create our desired appearance. I imagine all things related to identity come from the inside out versus the ego.which is created for the outside, like a covering, in an attempt to protect and keep hidden what is vulnerable or undesirable to disclose. I believe finding, understanding, nurturing and developing my true identity helps me recognize my place and part in humanity and life as well as being integrated with the Divine Source of Goodness and Creation from which  I seek counsel, guidance, and inspiration.  I can be fearless, purposeful and peaceful when I've made my soul connection with the Source of my true identity. 

Serenity or Just Numbness?

Serenity or Just Numbness?

It's been a process...this life. I seem to have some level of contentment or acceptance that contributes to a steadier and less fluctuating balance in my daily living. Nothing seems to be of great surprise anymore. My expectations have been lowered so that disappointment is fairly benign and seems to produce more like a ripple in the stream rather than a tidal wave of unsettling and long lasting effects. My more global perspective on life, the history of repetitive behavior and outcomes, seems to have reduced the amount of emotional expenditure and receipt; the peaks and valleys that have been the roadmap of previous experiences. It is now easier to dodge the bullets and avoid the people, places, and things that notoriously triggered off undesirable feelings and consequences or unsustainable grandeur and ecstasy. 

I thence forth have  rationalized and considered that I may have reached a certain level of wisdom and understanding that reduces the fear of ambush and potential catastrophes of unknown or unexpected life events.  But this has also led me to contemplate the possibility that I might have unconsciously stepped into the nebulous orbit of numbness, or lack of caring and concern, a disconnect as it were, as a bubble against worry, failure or disappointment.   It may seem a very high philosophy to want nothing, expect nothing, and eliminate the bondage of personal desire. But my major concern today is I don't want to feel "nothing". I don't want to slowly slip into the void where "nothingness" is an object or a becoming instead of an adjective or a feeling of lightness, being closer and more in tune with the divine Source. It seems I tread a fine line. My serenity and peace are of major importance, but as I live in this world, my human experience still must encounter different levels of intensity of experience; a notable and valuable recognition of growth and change.  I cannot be just a sideline observer of life. In order to grow, I cannot avoid or ignore the strong dynamics that make up this complex person and the effect by me and on me from all that exists and surrounds me. 

Transformation, awareness, and enlightenment is still the ultimate goal. It doesn't mean that I become motionless in mind body and soul and I allow myself to be numb, buffeted as a feather in the wind with no connection, destination or choice. Becoming an identifiable entity who can reflect, respond and participate in a manner compelled by right action and connected and awakened intuition looms as the challenge for my sanity and salvation. Being alive is an action program as a part of humanity. .....sensing the true vibrations and responding in kind brings the the most vivid and vibrant motion and emotion to my expression and experience of being.  

Why Me or Why Not Me?

Why me or Why not me?

Many of us (probably most of humanity) have said these words out loud or silently, with great intensity or in quiet meditation. I have experienced both sides of the spectrum. I have cried out in sobs and tears, shouting upward and outward to an unknown heaven, needing to be heard and given an answer to my painful misfortune and broken hearted confusion. I have also begrudgingly seen other benefited persons and wondered why they seem to get a larger share of the pie, better looks, more boyfriends, or just more personal satisfaction and peace in life than I had ever been privileged to experience. 

Today, though, my silent or reflective "Why me or why not me?" comes from a very different perspective. In my daily meditation or reflections of where I am today and how I got here I am more inclined to the gratitude of - 

Why have I been spared from a dreadful disease?  Why could one person change their life and others just cannot no matter how desperate the circumstance?  Why is death kinder to one and devastating for another?  Why was I given the gift of faith and a way to peace, and find comfort in serenity at this point in life while others I see or know remain sadly disconnected and unfulfilled and confused. 

This life is not a measuring stick of good and evil, at least not in my ponderings. I'm the last person who can explain any of it, but I do believe that this  is a huge universe, engulfed by a huge Spirit that allows the perfect reflection of the best and the worst in life and the free will to choose.  I realize that it's so much bigger than just me and the answers to the Whys or Why Nots of life become less and less important. It's  more important every day to be here, be present, and participate in life the best and most consciously intentioned way that I can. Why?  Why not.....

Balance

Balance

Balance is a clear and simple concept when you have a scale in front of you and you are able to add and subtract something from either side of the plates being suspended from their matching chains in order to create a balance or equality of weight on either side. We can also vividly experience the anxiety of creating and maintaining balance while watching a tightrope walker attempt a death defying walk across a chasm from a height that, easily on its own, would generate the fear that could cause a loss of balance and a serious outcome. For each one of us, finding balance can be as simple or as terrifying as either of the previous examples depending on our motivation, our mental and emotional stability, and our needs.  

How do I then measure my own personal balance?  Looking on the outside is the typical way of starting an inventory, a check list if you will, of things/events/people that are smoothly incorporated into  a daily routine, that move in and out of a day with very little ruffling of mental, physical, and emotional "feathers".  But that sense of smoothness generates a satisfaction of "rightness" and wellness, and typically creates a false sense of security for achievement and ability.  Now the image of the juggler with 3 balls in the air......then the progression to the magic of a world class juggler that can balance on a table while standing on a chair balanced on one leg, and juggling 15 plates with a stick balanced on his nose with a ball on top.  This is how I see  life - the ability to create a false sense of stability ( the great multitasking phenomenon) is what we unwittingly do never realizing that by trying to push the envelope of our abilities, we are treading precariously towards the moment when the whole thing crashes down and we are left with a bewildered look on our face as to what just happened and why?      

Multitasking is something we all have done in order to maximize our time and achievement and , supposedly, have more "time" to do the things we truly enjoy or be with those we love.  The real measuring stick is in the intention and the feelings that are invested in these actions.  If getting things " done" supersedes bringing good feelings and conscious purpose to the task, if frustration and impatience dictates the way we are responding to the things or people who are "getting in the way" of finishing our job, if exhaustion, criticism, and blame dominate our evaluation of our day and gratitude is nowhere to be found.......I would venture to say we are totally out of balance.  

Finding personal balance starts from the inside out.  Holding personal values of strength without domination, action with cooperation, flexibility instead of control, smiling vs frowning, and the Golden Rule as the governor of our words, actions and intentions should definitely improve our personal balance and the effect we have on the world around us. People keep praying for world peace.  I believe it starts with with me and my inner, daily investment with my Spirit and Guide.  Before I can pray for world peace, I must learn to pray for my own internal peace, guidance and balance.  That is the best way I can begin to change the world. 

                   

 

Sent from my iPad