n my early days of "growing up" I (and humanity) was faced with the task of building an image of myself. I was given the basic instructions of what it should look like (more or less) but little did I realize that this life long project would start off soft and would need time to strengthen and become solid, dependable and recognizable.
But as that "cement-firming" self was seasoning I became acutely aware that there remained large, imperfect cracks surrounding this heart and soul it was supposed to protect. And, not unexpectedly, my youthful pursuits and confusion did not provide the most productive tools during this tenuous time of formation. I had a fragile inside and thought I needed other people, places, and circumstances to fill in those large gaps and cracks that left me feeling broken, empty, and incomplete - a time of severe growing pains.
Today I feel more formed, more solid, yet in some ways more fluid and open. lightly structured like the skeleton of a bird - able to be lifted up without the burden of inner weight. I sense the cracks and remaining spaces as much smaller yet tunneled and connected to each other like a network of fine strands with space and breath between. Now, all the things that come to my life are like beautiful grains of sand that can sift through these tunnels bringing blessings and learnings and teachings and joy without breaking me down or clogging up the inner works. From now on these cracks will remain open inviting the passing of the life yet to be experienced. Life now feels like water pouring through me, cleansing me, renewing me and recharging me. I remain grateful for those cracks and think of myself as a diamond in the rough formed by much time and much pressure. As in one of my favorite Leonard Cohen songs, I see his vision.
"... There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."