Spiritual Innocence

It is my conception that we came here as pure light, pure breath, and pure mind. Born, we immediately were flooded with the myriad of sounds, colors, and vibrations emanating from the people and things surrounding our vast and unadulterated consciousness. That pure innocence and clarity, without prejudice or preconception, was destined to be narrowed and clouded by the familiarity of individual joy, fear, and need. The intuitive knowing and profound perception of each minute detail slowly softened and numbed as the world we grew in told a different story of existence and becoming. What we should be, what we should feel, and how we should behave and appear in this world inevitably shrouded our simple understanding of self and soul. The labyrinth of life we traversed became our dark and light; our echoes and songs of success and failure. The measuring stick of who we were was infected by you looking at me, and me looking at you for affirmation, victory, or surrender.
Some of us were taught about God and a spiritual life and introduced to a limited version of that meaning and significance. Some of us were told emphatically that there was nothing while others experienced such despair or disappointment that believing in a spiritual being who supposedly controlled that painful universe was a bitter pill that was spat out with defiance and disdain. Such ingrained beliefs inevitably became an important catalyst towards identifying self. But rarely has there been a human who has not been faced with life changing events of mind, heart and spirit that has not called out to a being greater then himself, challenging his personal doubt and testing the truth of that divine existence.
As I continue living, I have found that my life has been a series of self seeking events, driven by my need to know, control and assuage my burgeoning ego, and sometimes just trying not to feel lost. It has also been motivated by a deep searching for connection and belonging which has always brought me back to my desire to connect with my higher conscious becoming. It feels as though I must return to my original spiritual innocence in order to achieve the most serenity and the clearest path. For it takes my daily surrender, humility and pure intention to attempt such a goal. I seek that space of knowing without thinking, feeling without desire, and being present rather than preoccupied. I continue to peel away at the layers that have covered my being and make continuous attempts to find that core, that beginning, that beautiful purity of Heart and soul from whence I know I came.