To the Love I Have Yet To Find

I am sensing you through the touch of others. There is a part of you in all the hearts I have known. I find sweetness in the eyes of laughter. I find fragments of that joy when my heart is touched by one of the lovely souls that comes into my orbit. But it is only fleeting as none of them are meant to stay and be with me, so I must repeatedly experience the pain of loss and emptiness and longing. The paradox is that the soul must be full and beautiful and ready to love in order to receive and recognize true love. Emptiness, neediness, and desire have never invited or created the most loving or lasting relationships.

It is I who forestall the union of hearts as I must be kinder to myself,  the person to be loved. I must be steadfast in that mission and truer to the course as one who awaits a gift only given in its own and unexpected time. To find that true soul I must find my own and love my own precious and divine self.

To those I have placed in the path of my inexperienced and handicapped attempt at sincerity in relationship , I can only ask forgiveness for my awkward and unfulfilling attempt at giving and receiving love. It always ended up with me wanting more than I was able to give. I only hope, as it has been for me, that you have reaped the benefit of our momentary connection or collision and were inspired to acknowledge that you deserve more and better. May you also have found the eternal love from which  all true love blossoms and thrives.

When I originally wrote this, I was honestly pondering and wishing for a soul partner in my life. For me, that is the one true deeper love experience when two souls and hearts recognize each other from the inside out. I have since begun to realize that this letter is directed at the truest love of my life which is The Spiritual Essence and caretaker of my soul.  However, as a human, I look for that essence and reflection in a physical form. I think we all do. May we all become and find the one that elevates our souls and helps us feel whole and abiding in the Beloved embrace.