The Divinity in Sound

The Divinity in Sound

I find the most peace in musical sounds. When I am at a loss for connection with the world and feel distant like a balloon on a fragile string, ironically I'm grounded by the most ethereal of presences.  When I cannot find harmony in the actions surrounding me, or understanding in the cacophony of voices struggling to be heard, silence alone is not my first line of retreat and solace. I can only be lulled back by the sensitive sound of Eternal Grace through music.  It is the one Force, the gift, that gives me the sense of being swaddled by an elevated existence. I am transported and transformed, uplifted and connected to the energy within the array of notes and sound. In this place I can always find Serenity and the assurance of divinity. 

Sent from my LG G Pad F™ 8.0, an AT&T 4G LTE tablet

See if you can read this....  Take care.

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My Elemental Self

My Elemental self.

On the periodic table we have a list of elements that make up every combination of matter, seen and unseen, in the universe. What makes this significant is our ability to identify, recognize and feel secure in the knowledge that these properties remain constant and dependable.

I have lived in the body,  mind and essence of an ambiguous personality.  The conversation between my inner self and my outer self lacked authenticity and congruity, generating a disconnect between peace and belonging.  I was alone and unknown.

But the good news is that, somehow, being in pain and feeling lost provoked a powerful need and hunger to make it right. I needed to find my Elemental self , the essence of who I was and what path I was on. I wanted to be identifiable yet unlimited.   I aspired to finally be a recognizable element to myself and for the world.   It required me to embrace the the life I was given.  I finally accepted myself as an essential element to this moment in time and came to the threshold of choice. I chose to grow back into the simplest and best expression of humanity I can be, no matter what. And so I pray that...

May my Fire become a heart ever growing in love and compassion and joy.

May my air lift up my spirit above the outside forces of confusion and fear and may the universal spiritual force continue to guide me in my unseen pathway.

May my earth provide a more sure-footed path of conscious direction and intention.; a path where I can be found in support of my fellow man as the best human being I can.

May my water move with fluidity through  the daily challenges of life and not pollute the world dissonant and disparaging actions.  Rather may I be one who brings more life, cleansing, hope and clarity to the murky waters of negativity and fear.

I will stay the course and move towards embracing the life of my elemental self. Finding it is the journey; living it it's purpose and fulfillment. 

Spiritual Athlete

SPIRITUAL ATHLETE



In my spiritual growth and development I want to be a spiritual long distance runner - not a sprinter with bursts of psychic speed or a hurdler jumping at every challenge with cosmic force and defiance, nor a decathlon challenger who needs to have multi-faceted spiritual prowess. 

A long distance runner isn't the classiest or flashiest hero.  There usually isn't an audience to cheer or admire his progress as the terrain is far from the starting gate, it takes too long, and attention spans and focus of would be fans are short-lived.  This choice comes as a decision  made from the desire to be on a path, a course that continues and progresses,  not always predictably but potentially more dependably in outcome and success.  

So, how did I transition from an unsuccessful spiritual athlete to a willing neophyte (albeit a slightly aged one) with a flicker of hope and the willingness to begin anew this life long training? I needed and found that I have a Divine Source as my guide and connection between the spirit world and this human existence. I can't say my channel of reception is wide open and clear all the time but the mere knowing it is there is what provides inspiration each day. I prayed for teachers and guides to help me get started.  I didn't need to know everything immediately but understanding what practices are necessary to build on by their example gives me a foundation and starting point. I don't need to be them, just learn from them.

So far I have learned that to develop metaphorical and spiritual endurance is to gather simple ideals that endure.  Finding techniques to improve my progress require spiritual tools that can be applied and used daily. Nourishment includes finding what provides an internal environment that supports well being and my ability to participate in day to day challenges of real life. Gaining ground requires pacing my efforts at a manageable speed. Trying to get too far too fast could cause harm and discouragement and thwart all my future progress. Simplification of goals and ambitions paces my breaths and movements. And I couldn't or wouldn't be able to attempt this without the gift of surety and knowing that this is a guided path and I am cared for during every moment of effort. And so I have begun.......

Cracks

n my early days of "growing up"  I (and humanity) was faced with the task of building an image of myself. I was given the basic instructions of what it should look like (more or less) but little did I realize  that this life long project would start off soft and would need time to strengthen and become solid, dependable and recognizable.  
But as that "cement-firming" self was seasoning I became acutely aware that there remained large, imperfect cracks surrounding this heart and soul it was supposed to protect.  And, not unexpectedly, my youthful pursuits and confusion did not provide the most productive tools during this tenuous time of formation. I had a fragile inside and thought I needed other people, places, and circumstances  to fill in those large gaps and cracks that left me feeling broken, empty, and incomplete - a time of severe growing pains.

Today I feel more formed, more solid, yet in some ways more fluid and open.  lightly structured like the skeleton of a bird - able to be lifted up without the burden of inner weight. I sense the cracks and remaining spaces as much smaller yet tunneled and connected to each other like a network of fine strands with space and breath between.  Now, all the things that come to my life are like beautiful grains of sand that can sift through these tunnels bringing blessings and learnings and teachings and joy without breaking me down  or clogging up the inner works. From now on these cracks will remain open inviting the passing of the life yet to be experienced.  Life now feels like water pouring through me, cleansing me, renewing me and recharging me. I remain grateful for those cracks and think of myself as a diamond in the rough formed by much time and much pressure.  As in one of my favorite Leonard Cohen songs, I see his vision.   
"... There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."  

Being the Song

Being the song.

I strive to be truly present; in the moment, aware of all its parts and connected to the pure energy that creates and drives the moment. For me, it's the ultimate goal of meditation, of living. I have had brief episodes of grateful  captivity  and had experiences I can only liken to moments of harmonious  motion; being inside the motion as the "doer",  the witness and the historian simultaneously in a microsecond of total awareness. That's as intimate a collision with my divine spirit as I can describe. 

The closest I can get to any repetition  of such an experience is through music.  I have a gift of harmonization. When I hear a song or sing with others I hear the harmony and automatically vocalize it.  It's a most natural response and is not confined by any attempt to figure it out. For me, being truly present has no thought involved,  only awareness and openness. 

On occasion as a human jukebox,   I am momentarily outside and inside the song....present and aware, without thinking.  It's the easiest oasis to locate and replicate my bliss. But when it occurs in other areas of my life , those rarer moments of unexpected joy and connectedness, that I cannot force or demand, I am affirmed that this feeling and moment of presence can be found and experienced again. Those fulfilling memories propel me towards the greater hope of a full life imbedded in these types of experiences, not just music. May my life become a song of being with the notes as moments, breaths as sound and the rhythm as my heartbeat:  the present of the present in presence. 

Belonging

Belonging

It has taken me quite some time to understand what it feels like to belong, in the deepest sense of the word. I never felt that growing up. I hungered and pined for it. I thought by joining groups or taking on long  term responsibilities I would get the sense of belonging  But being committed and belonging have not been even close to the same thing for me. I committed myself to raising a child alone. I committed myself to living in a group for many years. I committed myself to marriages and mortgages. I committed myself to my work and success. But all of these temporary and sincere attempts at maturity and conformity became either easy to dismiss, ignore, take for granted,  replace or leave behind as my inspiration for fulfilling those commitments faded. My heart was never truly in it.  I felt that I had deluded myself and harmed others with these vain and unfulfilling attempts at creating a persona deserving of the surety that belonging to me or for me could be realized . I couldn't structure, provide or participate in a world where belonging was possible. I didn't know how.  

I can honestly say today that I feel that I failed at belonging because belonging is totally connected to love and I was not well versed at all regarding love.   It has taken me most of my earthly time to understand and to step on the path towards belonging.  It started with a sincere acceptance of a superior intelligence as a  source of light, clarity and love, and finally making that powerful connection in real and present time.  It is  paralleled by my growing love and admiration  for my patient son who has endured  and amazingly thrived in spite of what I didn't have to give him. I am certain that now the belonging is there and available for both of us. 

This sense of belonging continues to slowly develop becoming more like a bond, a knowing , a trust, a place , and connection that does not have to be lost or limited. What has previously come through my head is growing in the more fertile and productive realm of my heart and soul - where it truly "belongs".