Gifts of Self or Selfish Gifts
I like giving gifts to people, especially unexpected ones. I also have admired my talent for paying keen attention to words or phrases that dropped casually from the lips of a friend, unknowingly, revealing a desire or secret wish. I could then pounce on that sly opportunity and produce the desired object, see the look of surprise and admiration for my intuitive and generous spirit, and revel in a personal and private achievement award from myself to myself for a worthy and successful surprise gift. There was always great joy given and received but I wasn't always certain if I was doing it more for me than for them. Being generous has always come easily for me but being unique and memorable has always been of most importance. Hence the concern for my imbalance in generosity or selfish motivation.
So I decided to try to imagine generosity without any strings attached and without my need to get a badge of recognition. The start up process for me is to try to get my heart aligned; no selfish motives or hidden agendas, coming from a place of love for my fellow man, and putting my attention towards another's needs rather than my own.
With this foundation I can be present and aware of myself with another person. Without personal distraction I may find opportunities to give the best gift of all - myself. It may not be grand in presentation. It may be subtle as lending an attentive ear, helping do dishes, or running an errand, but what I aim for is to be genuine in my generosity. This doesn't mean I won't buy a gift or treat a friend to lunch but keeping the balance is good for my soul.
No comments:
Post a Comment