Which Way to Go

Which Way to Go
I have been given this great opportunity in life. I can take my time, take a look around me, choose my actions, relationships, behaviors, and appreciation for whatever I feel is important. I almost have to see myself as a spoiled child who doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do, well, more or less as the pragmatics of life still require my attention. But putting aside all the mundane daily activities that can't be ignored, I stand at the threshold and, believe it or not, I don't know which way to go.
Self identity can be as confusing as lack of it. My hunger to engage and manifest is surpassed by my hesitation of choice, so I remain at a standstill. Well it's more like jogging in place but not moving forward, backward, or sideways.
I am using a mental and emotional barometer to sift out things that I've done in the past that weren't quite as exciting or meaningful. I am trying to get to the core of what I would identify as "part of my being" or things that made me feel joyful, purposeful, creative, and unique and special. But sometimes when I look at the pile of my accomplishments or talents, I feel lacking in tools. In other words, my ego is preventing me from being a useful tool in this universe, a cog in the works rather than the shining star that I think I should be.
In attempting to broaden my spiritual life, my inner understanding, and my connection with this universe, I have to realize that relating everything I am striving for to this miniscule part of it, me, certainly limits my vision of what's going on around me and diminishes my experience
I need new inner binoculars. I would love to see the world without worrying about how I relate to it. I would rather be responding, regardless of what my part is in it, and enjoy participating in the whole experience. In other words, when I compare myself in the world and come up lacking, the true experience of being alive is severely crippled. I am trying very hard not to make it about me. I want to be here because I know this is a beautiful, evolving awareness. I need to take my blinders off so I get a true 360° experience. For now, all I can do is keep heading towards the light. I keep hearing that it's the journey rather than the destination. So I guess I better get off the train tracks and get on a train. I may not know how I'm going to get there, but at least I know what direction I'm heading towards.