Worthy of Life

Worthy of Life

I have thought that I didn't belong here. I have felt so alone in my life that the only logical explanation was I must've been accidentally born to the wrong parents or in the wrong city or possibly even  the wrong parallel universe.  But because I was here, 

I struggled with locating or finding "my people".  I have always felt different and thought that there was a place where I would know, without a doubt, that I was finally home. There 

everything would fit and so would I. But it seemed I couldn't or wouldn't  get it or find it unless I earned my worthiness. So life became one big scavenger hunt, collecting things, becoming recognizable in a apparently definable and fixed world, and looking for the ultimate satisfaction by gathering all the "items" or requirements on my list in order to become worthy.  Needless to say, I never seemed to complete that task or gathered enough glory to feel complete. I never got enough "medals", trophies or headlines to be recognized or found by the members of my own personal, mutual admiration society.  

Occasionally, along the way, I had been gifted with a few comrades that remain close in heart and soul but never in proximity. I had felt destined to be trapped in an ethereal set of relationships, that only manifest in the physical world as occasional visitations, like "booster shots" to keep up my immunity against loneliness and disconnection. 

The "meals" of few-and-far-between encounters with dear ones, small islands of concentrated nurturing,  were like being on a starvation diet.  It is not enough to satisfy and improve a healthy heart, mind and soul - rather just enough to sustain a heartbeat and return to the hunger and the recognition of what isn't there. 

At some point, not so long ago, I faced that feeling of gaunt, emotional and spiritual starvation and sought the food I so desperately needed  from a higher source. It started in my soul, spread to my heart, and eased my mind. The only remedy was to tap into and remember the higher spirit that abides in me and outside of me.  The eternal fountain from Source is never ending, always there to access, and helps me find worthiness and purpose in my existence. Rather than remain a spiritual zombie, I chose to live and belong. My limited imagination of where and with whom I belong has been changed.  I belong in each moment and find purpose and promise there. I am infused with a higher Source of inspiration and the ability to recognize the path instead of feeling lost and abandoned. I feel that giving and receiving love is like creating a ripple in a pond or being washed over by the waves in the vast ocean. The results are equally gentle and powerful in their effect on the world around us and inside of us. 

Being worthy now means I am prepared and open to being a receptacle and resource for receiving and giving the best I can of life. It also means that every day my recognition of where I belong is here and now, and who I belong with is those who are with me at that moment. As I keep my direct and focused connection with my divine Source, I am where I belong.  I am home.