JOURNEYING TO HUMANITY

Traveling and journeying definitely are my themes at present because, as I mentioned earlier, I literally am on a trip around the United States. I have put all my worldly goods in storage that I elected to keep (contained in a 5 x 10 storage space), minus the basic essentials for surviving and thriving in my 18 ft camper/trailer that I travel and live in at present.   My goal is to see how little I need to survive and be happy at the same time.  It's quite a lift to let go of material things  However, this has not been the first time I have rid myself of most material possessions.  It's probably the 3rd or fourth time. I have chosen to do so while married, because of the marriage dissolving, and during a spiritual crisis which required me to hurriedly detach from the past, at least apparently and temporarily.

Am I just a neurotic personality that can't be at peace?  In the past, I would agree that running away from or to something or someone seemed to solve a lot of issues. As anyone may well know or has experienced, that is always a temporary fix. Ultimately, I realized that the world was not the problem, the situation was not the problem; I was the problem. No matter where I went, there I was. Having realigned my spiritual and moral compass, and having surrendered to the goodness in me and my life, I would say that this is definitely the first time I feel free from the inside out and my motivation is a Higher One. I definitely want to feel more life and contribute, at the very least, by adding to balancing the harmony and connected compassion that is so lost yet so desperately necessary in today's world. I have discovered, for me, that sitting quietly in meditation and secluding myself from Humanity creates a contradiction in my soul. I read once in a book of self-improvement, that  "if you want peace, you have to be peace.". Refreshing one's soul with the beauty that nature provides is sometimes like being reborn but finding that same amazing sense of wonder, balance and assurance, even when one is in the midst of the chaos and the cacophony of apparent human confusion and discord, that would be the greatest achievement of all.  I am not traveling to separate myself. I'm expanding to offer myself and to be received and to receive in return. It's Humanity I have run from and it is Humanity that I move closer towards. I believe the secrets of the universe are not just in the heavens and the stars and the mountains and the oceans but within the souls of all of us, of humanity.  I have mistaken mine, in the past,  as a punishment or torment,  rather than a gift with a purpose. . I have felt that Humanity has been the  cause of my dissatisfaction rather than the answer to my prayers.  I don't want to be greater than or less than anyone. I just want to know what it feels like to be part of The One that lives in us all.
So my journey is from here to humanity.

COBWEB REMOVAL. HOUSECLEANING of the Travelling Mind

I have always been a traveler in my mind. I think I've mentioned before that I always wanted to be anywhere but where I was so the only place that permitted such adventure or hopeful possibility for temporary excitement, was in my mind. That's probably why I was an avid reader because for a brief period of time, I could be anywhere experiencing other varieties of places, people and events that distracted me from my own temporary lack of imagination.  Similarly, I  have had the ability to recall things, possibly not as they truly happened, but as I imagined or choose to believe they happened.

So in addition to that wing of fancy in my mental mansion, there were also rooms that housed decaying debris of disappointments, dusty trophies of forgotten fun, and shards of broken glass where light and color  and warmth of memories once shone.  It has been my own house of thought and experiences, but sometimes I felt a prisoner.

But now, during this stage of my life duly dubbed as a spring cleaning of my mind and soul, the automatic associations from the past do not occur nearly as frequently as they did before. I'm on this great adventure, literally.  I can go at my own pace, where I want, and visit places and old friends anew. This however is  not your standard retirement sojourn across the vast expanse for lack of anything else to do, but an open invitation for my life to expand. It feels big only because my door is open. I am drinking in the world around me and feeling my place in it.  Cobwebs which bound the past to me are being swept away. The dust is being removed and the memories are being put into place where they can be recalled without distraction and dislike.  Nostalgia or morbid reflection is being replaced with recollection and  recognition. I'm beginning to realize that I am from whence I came but that doesn't limit where I'm going. So today I'm looking at this beautiful sky while I'm in New Mexico and I just feel its beauty and its vastness and eternity beyond my touch and human comprehension. I have no thought of past or future.  I'm just here today without dust or clutter because , at least at this moment, with Grace, the cobwebs are not visible nor blocking my view.

From here until I disappear

Today I have an opportunity, a choice of Direction and perception. I'm in a very unique situation in life. I'm old enough to have done many things, productive, destructive, unexpected yet amazingly significant to being. Yet,  I am young enough to still have sufficient health to be a bit daring and adventurous with an opportunity to be as full of life as I can be with the least amount of things and personal desires. I have no path or roadmap now except under the influence of spiritual forces and designed living according to principles and purpose. The balance is now measured in how much I can see and feel rather how much I can amass as trophies to a successful life. What would be a measure of success for me is a carbon footprint that slowly disappears as I grow in breadth and depth of being and  a growing spiritual presence that consumes the walls of residual fear and frees my constricted heart.  My ultimate success would be as a planter of seeds of Hope and compassion that help fertilize the growth of human kindness.  And when it is time may my physical presence disappear like a gentle puff of smoke, floating back to whence it came.