SITTING QUIETLY OR DOING NOTHING

I was brought up to under the influence that if you weren't "doing something" you were wasting time. Later it was if you aren't creating, projecting into the future, lasooing the next big dream or opportunity, or multitasking more fun into your busy schedule you were either lazy or lacking in enthusiasm, ability and imagination. Loser. It's tiring just imagining that pace let alone trying to live it.

This measurement of productivity appeared to be calculated by how much physical achievements one could manifest in the least amount of time. The only time "doing nothing"  was an acceptable hiatus from activity was when we were on vacation and we're given temporary permission to put aside work related to duties and success. Much of the need for over scheduled activity can be attributed to anxiousness and fear of missing something or appearing unproductive and wasteful. The ultimate goal was to wring out every last drop of life we were owed by all this blood sweat and tears.

However, lately I have discovered that the highest and purest vibration and visions of my deepest life, appreciation  and fulfillment  are far better received and absorbed when I am quiet, inside and out. Doing nothing has ceased to be a lack of activity but a conscious choice to become a receiver rather than an unconscious, driven, perpetual doer. Then can my world, or the experience of my world broaden and expand.  What I hear when I'm not too busy to listen, what I see when I am not trying to be selective, and what I feel when I have no specific agenda far exceeds my imagination if I just sit for a while and "do nothing". I have come to find its truly something.

What I Do not Know

I've been writing for a while. Mostly I've written about things I've come to understand and perspectives that have shown me a better approach towards living. But some of the other Treasures that this inner travel and somewhat intensive preponderance has also allowed me to receive is the understanding and recognition of what I don't know how to handle or do.

In the past I probably would have been ashamed, shy or depressed about these hidden disappointments, foolish actions and failed outcomes and spent too much focus and time trying to prevent their discovery. This internal temporary suicide and soul betrayal created an image of an undesirable character with no hope of contentedness or true happiness. I recall experiencing great pain upon the repeated discovery of my short lived hope.

 Today, though, I consider an appropriate apportionment of importance for my successes or shortcomings.  My successes have far outweighed my failures. I accept that perception and believe it to be true. However, I am perfectly willing and enthusiastic to learn more and act differently than before. I may never know how to fix my weaker areas perfectly but I can use my "roadmap" of my past to at least not repeat the same pattern.

Rather than see myself as a rock with finite edges and borders, I choose to see myself as an ever-growing tree, with roots deeper and branches wider always aiming towards the ever present, ever available light.

Changing Pace, Adding Space

I am in SLO MO. I have lost the motivation to be speedy,  grasp more, or interact constantly.  My dance has changed from salsa to waltz and music from Rock band to orchestra. The hurried version of viewing and experiencing life whereby I barely glimpsed at the people and situations I encountered left sketchy memories and blurry pictures filed in my memoirs. I always wondered why I couldn't remember significant portions of my life. In my urgency to find what I thought I wanted, I treated life situations like going to a garage sale and barely scanning the many undesirable discards hoping to find at least one thing I might want. If it wasn't as I had hoped or imagined I probably paid little attention to anything that crossed my path or even presented itself as a possible gift to my life.  I missed a lot, forgot a lot and ignored a lot. It's no wonder I came to a summary of self much lacking in joy or satisfaction.

This slower motion adds more "pixels" to my absorption of each moment, more space between breaths and memories.  The experiences are becoming more memorable, more personal, and real. I can sit here today with minimal judgement or expectation of what this day might look like and provide. I am not in a rush to get to where I think I am supposed to be but rather accept and receive the inspiration of today. I hook up with my spiritual "internet" and try to get the message or assignment designed to utilize my energy in the best way possible. I may not have a duty roster as in the past but I know, if nothing else, I choose to contribute to life rather than just take or believe I deserve more than my share. And in SLO MO, the gift is more seeing, feeling, receiving and remembering. Today a minute could contain a significant page of my history and a day could be a lifetime.  And today, I just might remember it.